When it comes to relationships men and women generally have completely different expectations. Sadly, some common expectations lead to relationship failure due to the lack of compromise and understanding. Women are emotional and expressive beings where as men prefer a “show rather than tell” approach. It is important to lay expectations on the table before or when the relationship begins so there is a clear idea of each person’s needs and wants.
In the age we are living in, relationships are more open and it seems conversations flow from both ways. With that said, are expectations really still relevant in relationships today or do we just go with the flow and hope for the best? It’s a known fact that women often assume the position of fixer with regards to their expectations, “he will change” attitude. Men on the other hand rarely voice their expectations but throw subtle hints every once in a while which may go unnoticed.
Two men agreed to elaborate on what their views on expectations are and their relevance in relationships.
Expectations are relevant to men in relationships. This matter works both ways for men and women. We’re all expecting our partners to meet some expectation we have of them, either openly or secretly. Meaning, our partners may not be aware of this because we haven’t discussed it with them or we ourselves don’t entirely know what we expect from them.
But many times, men do express their expectations straight off the bat, either by showing you what they want or by communicating it verbally. Most men though, do not want to sit and discuss such over and over again. We’ll tell you once or maybe twice, hoping you get it the 1st time. We don’t nag, so there’s another expectation; “don’t make me tell you again.”
It’s because we are not always good with our words and breaking down all our feelings for you can be a moment we’ll easily shy away from. So when your man sits you down and lets you know what he wants, you best listen. That’s a clear sign that he loves you but making him tell you the same thing over and over again is a recipe for disaster.
Basically what I’m saying in this long essay is that if you’ve been with your man for a while now and you wonder about whether he’s expecting anything from you, chances are he is. He’s probably shown you and told you but maybe you missed it.
Men actually do have expectations; it is just natural to go into a relationship with expectations. There is no point in going into relationships without any expectations because you will be destined for failure. However I don’t think these expectations are fixed. Initially one would have the standard expectation of being treated good and being loved but as the man learns more about the woman so will expectations alter. For example, when a man and woman decide to stay together it’s a standard expectation that the woman will do most of the house work around the house, however if the man sees that the woman is not all about that then he would try and change his expectations towards her so as to avoid any unnecessary conflict. If he cannot compromise, he shall communicate this with you in some form.
The way that these expectations are communicated will depend on the individual. They will communicate in a way that is comfortable for them. Either they will sit you down and talk to you or communicate in some way or form during the time you spend together. Sometimes it does help to pay attention to their mannerisms as these could give a great indication of how the person is feeling towards the things you do, therefore their expectations of you.
The insight from the guys above is interesting and should make women think about their partners expectations. It’s human nature for us to have expectations but human beings are flawed and some expectations will not be met, what happens when this takes place? Anytime your mind creates an expectation this will be based on a non-existent future and when that expectation doesn’t come to fruition disappointment is sure to follow. The key is to love the other person as they are in the present moment, this is unconditional love. However this doesn’t mean that you drop your preferences or put your values at risk.
By: Zanele Mash
Sources: Tshepo Molotsane & Pontsho Tsotetsi