As black people living in our country we are expected know and understand traditional expectations when it comes to getting married. It truly is a big financial decision because a lot is expected from men who choose to head down the marriage route, Lobola can’t be escaped.
I was reading an old magazine last week and came across a short response to an article about lobola. This lady was proudly stating that she saw no wrong in buying her own engagement ring and helping her man pay Lobola. I truly was taken aback but it made me wonder how many people actually do this and we don’t know about it from the outside looking in? And i still wonder if judgement is fair on women who choose to do as this lady did? I reckon many men would jump at the chance but their pride just wouldn’t allow them.
Once again it comes down to a difference in opinion because many women (myself included) flat out would never agree to doing such. As a woman obviously when you earn more than your man it becomes almost second nature to help him out. So I guess when your man says he wants to marry you but cant afford it, the first thing those women think of is “how can i help?”
Here’s the thing: He wants to marry you right, then he will make a plan if his really serious. You offering to help is actually taking away that responsibility part of the whole process. A man must be able to prove he will be able to take care of his family, and making sure he pays Lobola proves that. And honestly speaking, buying yourself an engagement ring or paying off the installments for it takes away the amazing feeling of wearing something that HE bought something special for you. I know love makes women do stupid things but think of how much more great you feel knowing your man would do anything to marry you?
If your a woman who feels that there’s no shame in “helping” him out a bit then that’s your prerogative and more power to you. At the end of it all, only you have to live with your choices.
By: Zanele Mash